Birthday.

We celebrated Daddy's birthday yesterday. We, as in my mom and me. We initially wanted to wait for the Brother but he came home late so we celebrated first. I was studying when Mom went to the kitchen and started frying fishballs and prawnballs. Daddy was busy watching TV.

Mom told me to stop studying and help her out. So I took out 4 plates and 4 spoons. Yes, 4. Put in on the table in our living room. Then I carried the box of Chocolate Cake next. My Dad was like, Woaahhh. Hahah. Classic.

Mom finished frying so we put all the food in front too then we lighted the 5 candles. Yes. My Dad's 50 people. So is my Momma. Then we took pictures of Dad blowing the candles. I took a few pictures with him. So did Mom. Then we sat down happily and munched on the cake. There was just Me, My Dad and My Mom. I felt like cring there and then. But I didn't. Didn't wanna ruin the small celebration. Heh.

Then we left a huge piece for the Brother and I washed up everything. My parents continued watching TV, laughing. I went straight to my room, switched off the lights, and BROKE DOWN.

I was literally crying non-stop the whole night. I don't know if I had swollen eyes this morning but I did cry. My heart was just sinking deeper and deeper as I continued weeping. I clutched it so hard cause it was getting to a point where I could hardly breathe. Tears kept on coming and I kept on sobbing and praying. I just wanted my WHOLE family back. I don't know who I'm living with right now. I want them back. I want them all back.

Then I don't know if I fainted or just drifted off to sleep, but this morning, Mom had a very hard time waking me up. Usually its just 2 calls and I'm up. But this morning, she had to scream at me and slap my arm real hard before my soul could come back to my body.

PS: I have nothing to say.

Post.

Am I pathetic?
Hey-ho people. Hmmm. Yeap. Typical thing. Just felt like posting. Heh. So uhm. Updates? Yeah. That'll be nice. =)

1. I painted my nails with grey nail plish over the weekends. I look like a ghost. But it's cool.
2. SWs been busy preparing for YOG 'performance and also Tunas Berseni and other performance. So I can't really absent myself no more. =(
3. I've been downloading songs to my MP3. Phine says my Genre is mainstream. Is that right? Yeah I think so.
4. I've been writing my story during school hours and during freetime. I have 1 whole story all done and another I'm working on it now. Everybody wants to read it, but people, patience is a virtue.
5. Last Friday went over to follow Zuby cut her hair at Astina Sari. Near Anna's place. Then Freddie came and we went over to Anna's house. I had fun that day.
6. Anna lent me her Picture Bible. Don't get me wrong. I'm not converting. I love my religion. It's just that I'm interested getting to know more about the other religions in the world. So I'm starting with Christianity.
7. Anna also lent me her Chicken Soup for the Teenage Souls book. It's a very nice book. Teaches you alot of things. I'm gonna grab more Chicken Soup books when I get the chance. =)
8. I miss AhBoy.
9. I mis Manjebaby.
10. Yes. I still miss my sister.

There you go. Thanks for dropping by. Have good night.

PS: Tell me the truth. Am I pathetic?

Uh. Reply.

Hello dear readers. This is gonna be a reply to a recent reader of CBBC named 'Random'. Okay I'm not so sure if he/she is arecent reader, but, aiyah whatever lah. He/she tagged me at my tagboard. So you guys feel free to read it okay? Thanks.

Hello Random. Uhm thanks for the advice. I don't know if I know you, but the way you tagged made me feel like you know me very well. Hahah. Uhm. I'm not sure where to start. Lets just say that, I know when to make the right choices in life. Before I decide on something, I think for 1836735318773 times. I'm serious. But when it comes to making decisions that includes my family, I have to always make sure that my choice will benefit both me, and my WHOLE family.

In this case, I can't just ignore my parents and you know, blame all this on them. Because eventhough I HATE to admit it, part of it, IS my sister's fault. So I can't just ignore that fact and you now, go against my parents. And I know I sound very pathetic that I'm complaining I'm missing my sister alot, and I'm doing nothing, but seriously. Nobody can truly, deep down, heart-to-heart understand what I'm going through.

I mean, at certain points yes. I'm angry with myself that I can't just, like you said, voice out. Cause I'm in the middle. And I can't exactly choose who to side with. So to me, its like I'm just on my own and I don't take sides. I don't like that. But I can't help it. As now that she doesn't live with me, I can't really do anything.

Oh what am I saying. I did voice out that day. I failed almost all my Common Test and all were F9s. Dad kept scolding me saying my new classmates are distracting me. And I just burst out saying I couldn't concentrate on my studies with all that was happening. I cried. But he kept on saying that it had nothing to do with me and my studies. I almost screamed but I controlled. I wanted to tell him that it has EVERYTHING to do with me and it's affecting my studies even more. But I didn't. Because Dad is already going through alot of things. He's truly hurt that he had lost his daughter. Because now, his daughter is disappointed with him. I've always known that Dad loves her alot. So does my Mom. For years they've been tolerating her rebellious doings. But I guess that day he just couldn't take it anymore so... he did THAT. But I can tell he regrets it. Eventhough he's always saying 'Serves her right. She needs to learn.' His eyes, his actions. They tell everything. Do you even have any idea that he dreams about her all the time? Even my mom. They kept dreaming her as a child.

I just can't explain how bad the situation is right now in words. Cause I understand what my parents are going through and I ALSO understand what my sister is going through. For Gawd's sake, who doesn't love a sister? Like you said, blood is thicker than water. I mean. Like I mentioned in my previous posts. Everything I see, reminds me of her. And I always avoid feeling that loss. But I know I can't avoid it forever. So I usually just silently cry to sleep. And my parents never barred me from seeing her. I just don't think I can face her. Cause if 1 day I did, I'll end up bursting in tears and just make a fool out of myself.

So what I'm trying to say is that, I know its never too late to voice out. But I just can't. Not that I'm a coward. I just can't. I don't want to. I don't want to hurt either sides. So I'm just gonna let time heal the wounds.

So on top of that, thanks for the advice and tagging and reading my blog. But seriously, who are you?

Hey.

Bonjour everybody. Hahah. I didn't go to school today. I'm on MC. Since yesterday I have been having really painful stomach aches. And its not those that you wanna go toilet kind of pain. Its like hundreds of pins being poked at your stomach. And its just on the right side of my tummy. Yesterday night I was in so much pain that while studying, I was sweating like a pig cause I couldn't bear it. In the end, I just wrapped myself in a blanket and clutched my stomach to sleep. I thought it'd be gone by tomorrow morning, so I let it go.

But this morning when dad woke up for school, I could still feel the same amount of pain. But I ignored it cause maybe it was gonna go off soon. But when I was in the bathroom, I almost slipped and fell because I was about to faint. So got myself together and told my parents about it. They were worried I was gonna get appendix or something. So dad left some money for me to go doctor. So at around 9 am I went down to see Dr Lim, a lady doctor.

I told her about the pain and she did a urine test. After a while they called me back in and she told me it was Bladder Infection. I don't know what that means but it sounded nasty. They game me 1 antibiotic, 1 painkiller and a few packets of something for the bladder. So right now, I'm at home, still in pain, but lesser, I'd say.

So there you go. Just an update. Thanks for dropping by! =)

Sighs.

Hey everybody. So I took a long break didn't I? Ohh well. I am not allowed to use computer nowadays. Because of my results for the Common Test. And I am also not allowed to go out at all. Sighs.

So during my free time I read books. I love books. I think I told you people before. I love romance/suspense books. So I went to the library and borrowed 6 books. I just returned them a few minutes ago and I got another 2 books.

But when I don't feel like reading, I write stories. I have little notebooks that's filled with dialogues that I created in my head. When I was thinking I suddenly realised that the dialogues were linked after another, so I penned them down and made a story. I have 4 stories in mind. I'm writing 1. And another 1 is on my desktop. Completed my Chapter 1 and 2. I'm working on Chapter 3 at the moment. So yeah.

I went Thomson Plaza just now. After school. To eat. I went to see if she was around. But she wasn't. So I turned back, hung out with the girls, and went home. I wrote on her facebook later letting her know I was there. The next thing I know, Atok called me and said she isn't working there anymore. She's working at Plaza Singapura. Guess how heartbroken I was.

PS: I wish life had a PAUSE and a REWIND button.