I love you.

I look so school girl. WTF lahh. Hahah.

Hello readers. Just update.

1. Tomorrow's school day.
2. Tomorrow's Monday.
3. Tomorrow got Biology test.
4. Tomorrow got Maths test.
5. Tomorrow got dance.
6. Tomorrow got History.
7. Argh!
8. Ergh!
9. Irgh!
10. Orgh!
11. Urgh!
12. I love Farhan. =))))))))

PS: Faizal, wtf lahh. When the hell are you coming back?! Hrmpf!

Halooo.

1. I don't know what to say.
2. I still don't know what to say.
3. I think I know already.
4. Oh gosh I lost it.
5. Hey I remember.
6. Argh its gone again.
7. Somebody please help me.
8. Yes! I finally remember!
9. I just remembered to say...
10. HELLO.

Ohhkay that was lame. I know. =) I've been feeling lame since this morning. Hahah.
By the way, I had a photoshoot session with Aliens In Training PTE LTD today.

Snap 1.


Snap 2.


Snap 3. My favourite.


PS: I make such a cute alien. =p

Hello.

Hey. Just updates.

1. I feel miserable. Cause Bunny, has already passed on. It was on Monday morning when I was about to go school. Like I said he has a tumour around his stomach area. And for the past few weeks he wasn't able to sit/stand/eat/drink. So mom and I take turns to feed him and clean him everyday. But everysince that Sunday, it stopped eating. And when I give water, the water comes back out. So we already knew that the time would come soon. So that Monday morning when I was tying my hair, mom came into my room and told me to feed him as soon as I'm done. So when I was done, I went to him and put him into my arms. Tried giving him water but he didn't swallow. So I just wiped his mouth and held him still for a few seconds. Then at one point, he opened his mouth and breathed heavily. I just stared at him while my heart kept pumping like mad. After about 8 heavy breaths, he took one last breath, and breathed out. And then he stood still. So still that my heart stopped.

I was speechless. He was there, in my hands, took his last breath and went. All I could say was, "Bunny?" I shook him gently. When there was still no response and it was confirmed, tears started falling from my eyes as I hugged him close and whispered "I love you, Bunny." My heart sank. My mind blanked. I slowly stood up, held him in my arms, and went to mom's room to tell her the news. I had tears on my face so my parents were like, "Huh?!" Then they took a look and then made all the arrangements for Bunny and all. In the car I just sobbed and sobbed. So Nat, that day in the canteen, I cried because of that.

Bunny was a wonderful creature. I got him when I was in March during my 2nd year of Kindergarten. Which was 6 years old. Throughout these almost 10 years, Bunny's seen and heard everything. So losing Bunny is like a slap in the face to me because, when cats came into my life, I admit, I neglected him. I didn't take care of him as much as before. Because the cats were so interesting to me. Only last year, I started realising I'm selfish and unfair. Because he grew skinny, and unhealthy, in terms of hygiene and weight. So I tried my best to balance between him and my 5 other cats. When I found out he got tumour, I thought I was prepared to let him go. But judging from how I reacted in school, I guess I wasn't. I mean, he was my first rabbit, my first pet, damn. My first love. So thats why I couldn't let go so easily until we buried him on Tuesday night. I felt that at least he can't feel anymore pain. So I told myself, don't be selfish, don't hold him back, he'll be suffering from the pain if he continues to live. So I let him go and every night I tell him, before you go, let me be there during your last breaths. I want to be there with you. So I'm glad he waited for me. Sighs.

Bunny, wherever you are, I just wanna say, I miss you very much. And I still can't help but feel guilty for neglecting you before. Please forgive me. I love you very much and you'll always and forever stay in my heart.

2. Just other updates. I'm having baaad sore throat. I can't even talk properly just now on the phone with hmm hmm. Had to repeat almost every sentence. Hahah. Other than that, I've decided, I don't want to care about you anymore. Full stop.
So anything else I missed? Oh2! Dzul told me many people thought we were together. Hahah. Friends lah people.

Goshh.

Hello. Actually I don't really know what to say. Just felt like typing and all. Oh well, whatever.

1. Last Saturday, I had Sri Warisan. But dropped by Bishan to pass Dzul's homework to Arina. I was a little bit late, and worst of all when I arrived, my principal was there. She just wanted to update us on certain things that were going to happen for this year, so yeah. After that I accompanied mom for foot massaging at Tekka Mall. Its damn boring there. After that, we went home. So that was Saturday.

2. Today, early morning woke up and went to my grams place. Played with Manje Baby as soon as I got there. While Dad/Atok/Mom/Nyayi talk, I played with him, looked around the house ad all. Argh. Whatever larh. I don't wanna elaborate no more.

So right now, I'm typing this post. The most stupid post ever typed by me. Hahah. Ohhkay. Truth is, I'm stressed out and disturbed. I think I'm gonna be depressed soon. Or worst, crazy. Sighs.

PS: I want to run away from everybody.

Haaahh.

People! Whatever you read here stays here! Don't go around talking to people about it alrite?! Thank you.

1. You're changing. Oh wait, you've changed. I don't know if you know who you are but all I'm saying is you've changed. New friends new attitude is it? Sighs.

2. I miss my sister. My fat and heavy cat. And Ah Boy. All of a sudden I felt that stab of pain on my chest while on the bus to Phine's house. I have no idea how. Haiz.

3. I love my boyfriend. (Whatever's here stays here.)

PS: I'm so sleepy nowadays. I just can't wake myself up during classes. I feel like falling asleep almost every second. Why?

Update.

Hello there. So my previous post was... when again? Hmphh. Don't remember. So today is gonna be another update. No more looooong stories from me here at Crappybullshit.blogspot.com!

1) I'm busy busy busy with school lately. ALOT of homework. DNT/Malay/Maths and so on and so forth. So I've not got so much time to hang out so much. Cause Monday and Thursdays, I have dance until 6 PM. That leaves me with Tuesday/Wednesday and Friday. And it all depends on the people I hang out with. *Ehem ehem!* Hahahah.

2) My rabbit, Bunny, who is nearly 9 years old since I had him during Kindergarten 2, is dying. No joke. Its dying. It has a tumour near its stomach. And it's grown so big that he can barely stand up. So nowadays, Mum and I, we take turns to take care of him. Feed him water and vegetables everyday. Its eyes are infected, I think. Always so watery. Sighs. What's gonna happen to me? 1st, my mum. 2nd, my sister and Manje Baby. 3rd, my brother, nearly. 4th, Ah Boy. Then now, Bunny. Next who? Life is so unfair. Tuhan can give me anything I want at one point. Then take it all back at another. Nowadays I'm even afraid to wake up in the morning to even see or touch anything. Hmmm.

3) So I'm currently happy with him. Hahah. Today is already 1 week 2 days. And its going well so far. (Shut up Phine!) Hahah. We meet on days that I'm free. And he calls me every night. He usually tells me he can't meet cause he has soccer or his mum won't allow. But in the next minute he tells me he's already in Bishan. Hahahah. And he got kicked out of the team for not attendig cause he always ends up meeting me instead. Hahahah. Sowie Bee! =p

So I'm basically done here. As you can see, my sad stories are usually in the middle and my post always ends happily. That's because I don't want you to think too much about my unfair life and sympathize me. I don't want that ohkayy? So thank for reading! =)

PS: I miss my bestfriend lahh!

Hey.

Hello people. So again, just an update. I am sooo lazy to type paragraphs anymore. So an update on what's been going on lately would be better.

1) So lessons finally start. Chemistry/History/DNT sucks. Chem:Mrs Guan. She teaches like sh*t. Histoy: Tan Wei Nah. She reads from the powerpoint slides that doesn't make sense. And DNT? Urgh. The teachers give you a task, and you are told to figure what you're suppose to do, yourself. Bloody hell.

2) So dance has been oh-kay for this period of time. We have our own choreography. And the new Sec Ones are joining us next week? I think. Some are super cute some are not bad.

3) I love my class. I have members to team up with in disturbing johanna and my new classmate, Joel. They sit beside each other during Chem and English. Then Me, Dzul, Puma, Arina, Afiq and some of the rest will start, 'Ehem!' Hahahha. Its so fun. Everybody is against Anna! =p

4) I really miss my 4th cat. He's been missing for more than 2 weeks. I don't know where the hell he is. He hasn't come home yet. I miss him so much. I still think about him. Hungry or safe or alive or gone. I'm worried sick. But I can't find him. =(

5) In other words, I'm attached. To the Bendemeer guy that I said was getting to know me. Well, we officially sealed the deal o 13/01/2010, where we met for the first time. He's super duper tall. 16+ cm. If not, 170 cm. And we look funny standing side by side. But, whatever. He's nice and I like his personality. Probably we're meeting tomorrow. If not Sunday. Yesterday wehn we were smsing, he was like, 'I wish I could see you right now!' Hahahah.

So that's all. Its an update, but its sooo long. Sorry. Heh. Thanks for reading, anyway!

PS: Mira a.k.a Apai's gf! Don't sad2 ohkay? He'll be gone for 2 weeks. He'll come back, sayang! Take care and miss you!

Hello

I don't wanna type long long. So this is just gonna be an update.

1) I feel miserable. I've been crying no-stop every night thinking about my cat.
2) Tomorrow is the first day of studying. And Maths/Science/English is two hours each day.
3) Some guy from Bendemeer Sec smsed me just now in the morning. And we're getting to know each other. =)
4) I have to get a grip of myself.
5) I want Ah Boy back.

PS: I feel horrible.

My cat is gone. Ah Boy. Ah Boy is nowhere near me anymore. I don't know where he is, whether he's safe or not. All I know, he's out there, trying to find his way home. My heart is broken, cause my bestfriend day and night is gone. Gone when I was so far away enjoyig myself in Batam. I knew I should never have gone to Batam.

I miss Ah Boy. I want him back. Please give me a sign to find him.

Hmmm.

Hello. Felt like posting. Hmm. I don't know what to type actually. Cause my mind's blank. I'm distracted and disturbed at the moment. Reason? Millions of reasons. Sorry but I can't say it here. Sometimes you just can't tell everybody everything right? Eventhough you want to so badly? Yea. That's how I'm feeling right now. Certain things are meant to just stay as family secrets. Oh well. Whatever.

So this morning I woke up, I cleaned the house. And again I felt that everything I see, it reminds me of the emptiness I'm feeling within me. But I still went about the house doing my daily chores, pushing that feeling aside.

Mom woke me up asking if I wanted to join her and dad for breakfast at KFC. Since the brother was still asleep, I said ohkay, and also because I was huuuunggry for KFC Porridge. Reached there, ate my porridge and the helped Dad settle his Credit Card bill using the AXS Machine. Then the 3 of us went to Geylang Serai, bought my grams lunch and headed over.

Reached there, immediately went to hug Manje Baby. Please don't ask me why he's there and not living with me anymore. Fed him his biscuits(I loved to feed him.) Played with him until I'm satisfied, I went out to talk to Grams and Mom and Dad. I looked around the house and I saw her stuff. My heart burned but I swallowed it all in. While talking, Atok suddenly told me to bring home the Koko Krunch that she bought. I almost burst when he said she immediately went down to buy Nutella, Koko Krunch, Bread and chips when Atok told her I was gonna spend the holidays there. She told him that I loved all these and since I was gonna be home and she'll be working in the day, she told him I wont die of hunger since there's yummy food to eat.

Again, my heart burned, my eyes swelled and my legs got wobbly. And when a few days later that Atok told her I won't be coming since Dad didn't allow anymore, now that she's there, she got disappointed. Sighs. I don't know what to say. I'm so pissed at myself. I don't know to take whose side. I'm confused. I'm miserable. I'm angry. And worse of all, I'm missing her very badly. Like I said, everything I see reminds me of her.

When I look at cars, it reminds me of those times when she had her car, driving about bringing me along. Especially that day when she introduced me to Twilight. When I step into her room, it reminds me of those times she and I used to laugh alot while she paint my nails. When I eat, I am reminded of those times when I was young, she used to make balls by squeezing the fish and rice together and then feed me. Time flies, huh? I'm helpless. No, wait. I'm hopeless.

I don't know what to do, what to say. Except to cry every night when I think of her and how my life is gonna be in the future years to come. I love her. I love my family. I don't know what to do except watch the days go by. Ya Allah, give me strength.

PS: Its 2010 people.