Hmmm.
Hello. Felt like posting. Hmm. I don't know what to type actually. Cause my mind's blank. I'm distracted and disturbed at the moment. Reason? Millions of reasons. Sorry but I can't say it here. Sometimes you just can't tell everybody everything right? Eventhough you want to so badly? Yea. That's how I'm feeling right now. Certain things are meant to just stay as family secrets. Oh well. Whatever.
So this morning I woke up, I cleaned the house. And again I felt that everything I see, it reminds me of the emptiness I'm feeling within me. But I still went about the house doing my daily chores, pushing that feeling aside.
Mom woke me up asking if I wanted to join her and dad for breakfast at KFC. Since the brother was still asleep, I said ohkay, and also because I was huuuunggry for KFC Porridge. Reached there, ate my porridge and the helped Dad settle his Credit Card bill using the AXS Machine. Then the 3 of us went to Geylang Serai, bought my grams lunch and headed over.
Reached there, immediately went to hug Manje Baby. Please don't ask me why he's there and not living with me anymore. Fed him his biscuits(I loved to feed him.) Played with him until I'm satisfied, I went out to talk to Grams and Mom and Dad. I looked around the house and I saw her stuff. My heart burned but I swallowed it all in. While talking, Atok suddenly told me to bring home the Koko Krunch that she bought. I almost burst when he said she immediately went down to buy Nutella, Koko Krunch, Bread and chips when Atok told her I was gonna spend the holidays there. She told him that I loved all these and since I was gonna be home and she'll be working in the day, she told him I wont die of hunger since there's yummy food to eat.
Again, my heart burned, my eyes swelled and my legs got wobbly. And when a few days later that Atok told her I won't be coming since Dad didn't allow anymore, now that she's there, she got disappointed. Sighs. I don't know what to say. I'm so pissed at myself. I don't know to take whose side. I'm confused. I'm miserable. I'm angry. And worse of all, I'm missing her very badly. Like I said, everything I see reminds me of her.
When I look at cars, it reminds me of those times when she had her car, driving about bringing me along. Especially that day when she introduced me to Twilight. When I step into her room, it reminds me of those times she and I used to laugh alot while she paint my nails. When I eat, I am reminded of those times when I was young, she used to make balls by squeezing the fish and rice together and then feed me. Time flies, huh? I'm helpless. No, wait. I'm hopeless.
I don't know what to do, what to say. Except to cry every night when I think of her and how my life is gonna be in the future years to come. I love her. I love my family. I don't know what to do except watch the days go by. Ya Allah, give me strength.
PS: Its 2010 people.
So this morning I woke up, I cleaned the house. And again I felt that everything I see, it reminds me of the emptiness I'm feeling within me. But I still went about the house doing my daily chores, pushing that feeling aside.
Mom woke me up asking if I wanted to join her and dad for breakfast at KFC. Since the brother was still asleep, I said ohkay, and also because I was huuuunggry for KFC Porridge. Reached there, ate my porridge and the helped Dad settle his Credit Card bill using the AXS Machine. Then the 3 of us went to Geylang Serai, bought my grams lunch and headed over.
Reached there, immediately went to hug Manje Baby. Please don't ask me why he's there and not living with me anymore. Fed him his biscuits(I loved to feed him.) Played with him until I'm satisfied, I went out to talk to Grams and Mom and Dad. I looked around the house and I saw her stuff. My heart burned but I swallowed it all in. While talking, Atok suddenly told me to bring home the Koko Krunch that she bought. I almost burst when he said she immediately went down to buy Nutella, Koko Krunch, Bread and chips when Atok told her I was gonna spend the holidays there. She told him that I loved all these and since I was gonna be home and she'll be working in the day, she told him I wont die of hunger since there's yummy food to eat.
Again, my heart burned, my eyes swelled and my legs got wobbly. And when a few days later that Atok told her I won't be coming since Dad didn't allow anymore, now that she's there, she got disappointed. Sighs. I don't know what to say. I'm so pissed at myself. I don't know to take whose side. I'm confused. I'm miserable. I'm angry. And worse of all, I'm missing her very badly. Like I said, everything I see reminds me of her.
When I look at cars, it reminds me of those times when she had her car, driving about bringing me along. Especially that day when she introduced me to Twilight. When I step into her room, it reminds me of those times she and I used to laugh alot while she paint my nails. When I eat, I am reminded of those times when I was young, she used to make balls by squeezing the fish and rice together and then feed me. Time flies, huh? I'm helpless. No, wait. I'm hopeless.
I don't know what to do, what to say. Except to cry every night when I think of her and how my life is gonna be in the future years to come. I love her. I love my family. I don't know what to do except watch the days go by. Ya Allah, give me strength.
PS: Its 2010 people.
posted by AzuraAshari at
5:04 AM
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