I feel so...

I feel so... I don't know. I feel so down. I think it's because of you. Oh gosh. It IS because of you.

We were supposed to watch New Moon together with the girls and guys on 6th December. You didn't turn up. Why Bee? Why? I called. I left a message. I asked your momma. She said you were having fever. Yeahh right.

If you had fever, why were you goddamn playing soccer with Arep and Mikael that afternoon? That afternoon, that day? That day where in the evening you were supposed to meet me and go out with me? What the flying fcuk is wrong with you? First I thought you were exactly what I asked for, then that night you say I'm two-timing you with H. Then you started ignoring me. My calls, my smses.

Goshh. I wish I had the guts to just go to your house and slap you in the face. Beat you up until I'm fully satisfied. You know, Bee, I am so fcuking tempted to do just that. But I can't. I don't have the strength to do so because I know once I see your face, everything changes. I see other people going out with their partners every now and then. Take Syafiq and Sara. Take Arep and Lynn. Take Danial and Ella. Take Fifie and Fardhie for gawds sake. I get so pissed seing all this people because when I look at myself, I'm alone. You're not there. Why you doing this to me?

If you have another, let me know. If your stepdad forbids you having agirlfriend, let me know. For gawd's sake! At least if you hate me, tell me! Don't keep it to yourself and ignore me just like that! I'm soooooo starting to hate you. Because you know why? Because I don't understand you. I don't. Not anymore, Ashraff. Not anymore.


PS: Faizal, when you're back, call me ohkay. I need you so badly right now. And bring that fcuking nice girlfriend of yours. I want a girl to talk to. I could use a little advice from my bestfriend and the nicest girl in the world. Please.